THANK YOU FOR THE SIMPLE THINGS…

A crisis as described by Lifeline is when someone has a personal reaction to an event or experience in their life they find hard to cope with.

In my lifetime so far…I’ve had quite a few crisis’s and each time you survive, you feel stronger yet question why the hell you had to go through it. In time you will reflect of them and yourself to help clarify things but there will always be unanswered questions.

Recently I’ve been facing another crisis and it’s been tough. I heard a woman on a TV program the other day going through something similar who said “I feel sorry for people without children as my child is what keeps me going – what do they have?”

My son is my reason, my rock, my everything and he is my purpose. He is why I get up in the morning, why I work so hard to do all I can to provide for him and create opportunities for our survival even if I get knocked down and at times fail.

There are other factors that have assisted in my purpose, my strength, my being, my courage, the occasional smile and the snippets of positiveness. These factors are simple and sometimes small but in the scheme of things they are HUGE.

‘It’s the simple things that mean the most!’

I’m sure many of you can relate. Possibly you’ve got a family who has offered to pay a bill or help with rent. Maybe you’ve had a Mum who does what she can by offering you love and affection and may help to pay for your child’s school camp and medication. I’m sure you’ve had at some point a best friend who feels she isn’t doing much but the fact she is calling every second day to check on you is more than you could ever ask for.

What about when your fridge broke down in the midst of this crisis and the refrigeration mechanic after spending time chatting takes some money off the amount he quoted you. He tells you to spend it on something else. You do.  You buy that part for the vacuum finally and can now clean your house and doesn’t it look and feel fabulous.

Maybe it’s the random phone call or the out of the blue gesture that helps you feel real, human, alive and grateful. It could be that dear friend who shouts you a coffee or offers you a day’s work more often than normal just to give you that extra cash to help you through.

It is the simple things that can make you smile even if it is for a moment. The simple things that help you feel loved and cared for.

For the simple things that mean so much – THANK YOU – you know who you are! xo

Sometimes pain can be our best teacher…

Teardrops fall upon your face
The smile that once shined fades,
The laughter that deafened friend’s ears
Now silenced and frayed.

The pain takes its toll
Signs are starting to show,
The heart is wanting to give
But must beat for the blood to flow.

Your faith in hope has weakened
Eyes tired and your energy is low,
Your child keeps you going…just
That brave face is on show.

The signs will start to fade away
That smile will resurface…eventually,
Tears will dry, the sun will shine
the child will be your remedy.

Anxiety is a bitch – moving on can be hard!

We’ve all had to do this on many occasions I am sure – make that final decision or any decision for that matter so we can move on. Move on either mentally, emotionally or physically.

In my case for now one of the main things that have been causing me major anxiety (an ongoing condition) that I keep putting off writing a blog on the trip of a lifetime I had with my son just over a month ago. I had all intensions to write regularly and share my journey. In one sense I did do this via my Facebook page, yet that was for a limited audience and I was happy with that but it was not what I had intended. I wanted everyone to witness and possibly learn some things along the way of traveling with a teenager and how I dealt with and embraced it. Writing makes me happy, very happy and it is something I have wanted to do since I was very young. My dream is to write a book and have my little piece of influence in the world.

Anxiety is a bitch – it’s a wretched thing and most recently has overtaken my life since I returned from my holiday.

This to some may seem like nothing and definitely not worth causing anxiety. However, those who suffer it, either it be alongside with stress or mixed with depression will relate. We cannot always, actually very rarely in my opinion control our outbreaks or triggers. The writing and not fulfilling my intention for me, has been a trigger. It is not all that has caused my anxiety, but has been one of the major factors.

What I find important is that I have acknowledge my recent depression and in particular anxiety. It may take hours, days, weeks to REALLY acknowledge it, yet when it happens I think we deserve a pat of the back.

Yesterday I had a bloody horrible day. I was shortness of breath all day, my heart was pounding, I suffered yet another migraine which seems to be a common occurrence and was pretty much bedridden. I spoke to a couple of people but not in depth about it, yet enough to realise what was happening. I struggled through the day to get a little bit of work done, some job searching and follow ups and that was enough to feel slightly productive and less guilty for riding off a day. I was sad and empty!

Today, a new day, a busy day with work and my spirits were lighter. I think I had an epiphany very early this morning or something close to it…for me. I realised that I could let go of writing this blog of step by step of my story and just share what I did on Facebook. It’s not great, articulately it’s not correct in many areas, I use slang, and my tense is all over the place BUT it does wrap up my trip. My friends kept telling me how great my updates were and that they felt they were on the journey with me. This actually was my intent, although not quite as planned.

Anxiety is a bitch but I’m moving on and working on getting over this latest episode. Will I be successful – who knows. I’ve got so many other things to deal with right now but this is one thing I can mark off my mental list.

Soooo… for those that are interested please read on for my final wrap up on our trip of a lifetime as taken from my Facebook page which was shared with friends, and now I’m sharing it with you.

Love, Light, acceptance and snuggles 🙂 xo

Vietnam, Cambodia, Phuket & a Teenager – Trip of a Lifetime

First day in Vietnam we were conned into buying street donuts, bananas, having our shoes “apparently” repaired, tried Vietnam’s idea of coffee but was yum, learnt a lesson in the need to barter and understand currency, and Jack captured some beautiful scenery along the way.

We had an amazing trip to Ha Long Bay and stayed overnight on a junk boat. Way beyond our expectations with our own room and bathroom, fantastic food and service, $4 cocktails, kayaking, swam at the beach, walked a zillion stairs to fabulous views, visited an awesome cave, learning history, and building great friendships.

Train ride from Hanoi to Hue was a challenge to say the least but playing a card game called ‘Asshole’ 😉 helped pass a few hours. It was gruelling trip with the train driver being very heavy footed on the break but thankfully we arrived in Hue safe and sound. Hue was absolutely beautiful (my fav place in Vietnam) and we had the privilege of taking a motorbike tour to the country side (major highlight). We visited an old museum with a gorgeous 78yr old displaying to us the old way of harvesting rice. We visited a temple and I loved hearing the monks chant and watched Buddhist pay their respect by prayer. Hue is very cultural, pretty, sacred…special.

The next part of our trip was to Hoi An, another favourite. We were here for 3 days and was able to get clothes made, do a cooking class (look out dinner party coming soon) followed by a bucket of cocktails, went on a bike tour which was fabulous, rode a buffalo (YES YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY), a ride in a very, very slow boat into the heart of Hoi An (very pretty), drank cheap but yummy beer, which I’ve now grown accustomed too, and great food at some of the most delicious restaurants.

Last part of our Vietnam tour arriving in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) and must say it was our least favourite of places we had visited. Less cultural than others, people and sites were different – basically a very different vibe to where we had been. The people, however, who we travelled with, did not disappoint and my heart aches now knowing that our time together has come to an end. In Saigon we visited the War Museum which brought me to tears, visited the Cu Chi Tunnels (OMG) and our guide who survived the war was truly inspiration. We shot a riffle for the first time (ouch on the shoulder), crawled in the tunnels and I only survived 20m, however, Jack did much better than me (YAY Jack), ate Mexican in Vietnam, Jack went to his first club (we kept a good eye on him), and then had our final farewell dinner and drinks, a few more drinks and we behaved 😉

The chapter in our adventure was to Siem Reap, Cambodia, where we met our Mama/Mimi and had 3 awesome nights together before Mimi had to leave to teach her international retreat. In our time here we gate crashed a cultural Indian dance concert (not really, well sort of), we visited the Cambodian Circus which was unreal, shopped at the local markets, and enjoyed the hotel for relaxation. I LOVED my 4 post bed and wished I could have packed it away to bring home with me. We visited the Angkor Wat, Bayon, & Ta Prohm (my fav) Temples. Our last day we did the Flight of the Gibbon – flying fox through the jungle with the highest point getting to 45m and the longest run was 310m (a couple of panic attacks were had – it’s high I’m telling you). Our last night in Cambodia was catching up with some of our Vietnam crew and that made it even more special. It was fabulous having this time with my Mum overseas and my boy (3 generations) as it’s something we’ve wanted to do for years.

Our last part of the journey and this chapter of our travels book was Phuket in Thailand. After a couple of disappointing and fairly miserable days due to torrential rain and the hotel of choice, things picked up. We visited the Tiger Kingdom and what an experience with two great new Aussie friends Jess & Ivan. It was a last minute plan after our elephant tour was cancelled due to bad weather, but was meant to be. Something we’ll always remember.
We finally did our tour starting with a brilliant time down the rapids which was pretty full on. Both Jack and I couldn’t get the smile off our faces. We then went on an elephant tour and visited a beautiful waterfall. We’re smiling and feeling happy. Next tour as the rain stayed away finally in our last couple of days was a Quad Bike tour through the East side of Phuket including a jungle terrain and near the beach. We rode in pumped out Tuk Tuk’s, shopped, ate and had a few cocktails at Hooters, watched the Grand Final to see South’s win, part-took in a pool party, ate (oh I’ve already said that lol), walked the beach in between downpours, chilled in our hotel room and overall enjoyed each other’s company.

This truly is a trip of a lifetime and one that I would recommend to everyone to do! Travelling with your teen is great, fabulous, enjoyable, totally AWESOME or maybe it’s just that my son ROCKS! Either way, what a ride, what an adventure, what a journey, and I can’t wait for the next chapter which we’re already starting to thinking about. 🙂 xo

I DID IT!

image from horseshoepets.com

image from horseshoepets.com

How I’ve missed writing for my Blog and writing in general!  Here we are well into 2013 and what an eventful year it has been already.

At the end of November 2012, after endless sleepless nights, hours and hours of studying, hair pulling, tantrums, tears, exasperation, elation, highs and lows, not to mention the physical toll it took on my body, I finished my communications degree. It then wasn’t to mid January 2013 that I found out my fate, which was that I had indeed gained the marks I needed for my final two units to complete my degree and now I am waiting for my official invitation to the graduation in July.  I DID IT! OMG I did it and I’m not quite sure how I did, but I did and the feeling is amazing yet somewhat confusing.

image from deepbox.com

image from deepbox.com

I am not sure if it has hit me yet, the fact I have finished. I mean I know I am no longer opening up text books, responding to discussion forums, writing into the wee hours of the night to complete assignments and studying up for exams – that of course is obvious, yet somewhere within me I’m struggling to adjust. My body is still on the same time clock of the ridiculous hours I kept and the lack of sleep. I’m feeling somewhat lost in not knowing what is next. I am missing my connections with my fellow university students and that feeling of truly accomplishing something.  Its crazy isn’t it! After 3 years of studying fulltime, working 3 jobs, raising a child on my own and all the other bits in between of managing, I should be ecstatic that I now have time to reflect, adjust, catch up and relax and more importantly to be a good mother to my son. I am not saying I wasn’t a good mother, as I know I was, but he was neglected to a degree as any spare time was taken up with studying or working. I did thrive for a balance and I feel in parts I achieved this and I also know deep down the end result was always in the back of our minds, and that there was a reason for all the sacrifices made.

301472_10151109792581553_1711493253_n-1As I take this time to reflect on my recent journey, I am realising what I have discovered and learnt goes way beyond the units I studied in my degree.  I found that there is much more to life than what is put in front of us. Knowledge goes further than the books we read, the papers we skim over or the television shows we watch.  We can become complacent in the mundane things in life, and that is ok, yet there is so much more out there in the big wide world to be exposed to, to absorb, and be exposed to. I truly believe now, that with determination, motivations, discipline, and making sure you surround yourself with wonderful loving people that anything is possible. It could be the smallest of goals or something on a larger scale, yet if it is something that you truly want, then there should not be anything stopping you in achieving it – YOU CAN DO IT!

From the depths of my heart I would publicly like to thank my amazing family, my wonderful friends, my beautiful university friends and to all who have supported me throughout this adventure. Your unconditional love, motivation, encouragement, ears for listening, your spoken words, the countless snuggles you have supplied and for believing in me…

I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU! XO

A reflection of the past…

image courtesty of sondheimguide.com

For some reason I feel inclined to share with you a poem I wrote.  This particular poem as I have always written poetry has a place very close to my heart.  After I broke up with my son’s father, I did not write or sing for over two years.  I didn’t feel the passion inside me and both writing and singing has always been a passion of mine. I then after many years met a guy who I thought possibly could be the one.  He inspired me enough to write poetry again. Sadly, he did not see the significance in this and had lost the original.  This poem in which I am sharing with you, was actually entered in an international poetry competition. I did have to cull the wording so it is half of the original size.  To my surprise I made it to one of the semi finalists and it got published in a book called “Timeless Voices”, my poem is the first one you read.  Wow, the first one. I do not really know if it was a scam or not and I wont go there. I have always wanted to publish two books. One of the books I dream of is to publish all of my poems I have written over the years and the other…I’m still working on that theme.

I remember being at an event and there was a popular journalist there for The Australian. We got talking about writing and I was saying how wonderful his job would be. He turned to me and said, “But I cannot say I am a published poet”. Those words will forever be inscribed in my brain and for that acknowledgement, I feel I have accomplished one of my dreams.  Please enjoy as I share with you something that has such significance in my life.

The journey of love

The wind is blowing in my hair
The feeling of freedom within
The sunset is in the distance
And so our journey begins

The sun rises, what a glorious day
The rays streaming through the trees
The breeze is nurturing and soft
You by my side, oh yes please

True as the nature around us
Which moves like our surroundings
Yet feelings of purity between us
The heart keeps on pounding

When on loses its breath
And the heart skips a beat
The fear of losing such vision
And giving in to defeat

Defeat of the heart
That someone like you can take
The reality of this journey
The scenery we can make

Love, Light and Peace 🙂 xo