Tag Archives: Reflection

Oct 18 2016

I had a good day

My last post was quite raw, insightful and dark. The element of support that has accumulated from the post has been on many levels and I’m increasingly appreciative of the love given (thank you!). Some of the feedback received has indicated that although the post moved them, some even to tears, it was heavy, powerful and a sad read.

With that in mind, I felt it was in order to keep things this time upbeat and share with you not all things are doom and gloom and that people who suffer whatever it may be, do have moments of sunshine, smile and can feel happy.

I had a good day…

One of my current challenges is to lose weight and get my fitness back on track. My weigh in day is on the weekend although I don’t make it weekly. Why? I try to tell myself it’s due to other commitments, which has an element of truth, however, the other side of it is because of fear. Fear = gained weight = failure but that’s another story. On this day I had set my alarm with the intent of going. If I have gained or had a loss I will be fine no matter the outcome (this was a mantra the night before). I had also made a point that I was going to my son, a major motivating factor. I did get up – pat on the back. Once at the weigh in that is also like a support and information group, I was among like-minded people who are committed to changing their lives and finding happiness within themselves – this gives me comfort. On this particular day, I was rather chatty (not unlike me generally) but I had let go of some walls and opened up a little to other members where we shared further insights into our lives and challenges. I felt comfortable, I felt supported. I treated myself to a proper coffee and with my small loss (no failure – bonus) I headed home to share with my son who anticipates my result.

I had a good day….

Once back home and knowing I needed to get to the shops I decided to walk.  I had the time and wanted to keep the momentum going from the morning. I love this walk through the university and local parklands. I took different routes up and back as both offered their own beauty and significance. The journey up was through the streets onto parklands, finding my own little oasis, ignoring any outside influences such as traffic, pedestrians and machinery. I had my headphones in listening to music which transports me to other places and is my mood changer. I was in the zone, I had a beat in my step and I felt surprisingly good.

I had a good day…

I pottered knowing I had time on my side. I bumped into my best friend and received a snuggle which was an extra bonus. I met with another dear friend where we chattered away over coffee talking about nothing in particular but covering everything.

I had a good day…

Walking home I took the university route. I simply love this way home. There are umpteenth varieties of bird life; the grass always seems so green; the calibre of people range from students through to dignitaries, locals, families, international guests and at times depending on the crowd and the weather, you can be mistaken of being in a foreign land – yet it is in my backyard. I stopped to take photos, to cherish what was around me, in front and behind me.

I had a good day…

Once home I met my twin brother and gave him a massage (an old trade of mine) to help his aching bones. We then chattered and laughed and felt freedom to just be who we are and more importantly with each other.  We talked, again it was about everything and nothing. It was nice, comforting would be the word, an essence of home both in presence and in spirit with my brother and my feelings. I was allowed to feel, to express with no judgement and reflect on the day.

I had a good day…

The famous saying “it’s the simple things that count and make us happy” couldn’t be any truer for me this day. It was the loss, although small I had accomplished something. It was shedding some walls and opening myself up to a support group with like-minded people. It was making the decision to walk to the shops and not drive and take in my surroundings and feeling appreciative with my environment and what I have in my backyard. It was catching up with dear darling friends and grabbing those extra snuggles that mean so much (I can never get enough). It was having precious time with my brother and feeling the freedom to be me no matter if it was to shed a tear, be silly, share a laugh and without judgement. It was finishing the day collecting my son from work and getting that final snuggle of the day from the one who most holds my heart.

I had a good day!

I hope you’re finding strength in the small things. Each step you take moving forward is a success.

Love, light and snuggles 🙂

Dec 4 2013

OMG I’m 40!

Yep, that’s right, two weeks ago I have turned the dreaded 40. Well, dreaded is what I originally thought and it wasn’t so much because I saw it as ‘old’,  but more that it represents half your lifespan.

In an article by the ABC, Dr Caroline West states that ‘according to some psychological research, we face two events that will change our lives forever. The first crisis is adolescence and the second is, you guessed it, turning 40’. Dr West continues by explaining with so many of us turning this age, we all have our own interpretation of what it means and outcomes of where we go from this point.

Leading up to the milestone in which I share with my twin brother, I became quite depressed and needed to do some hard-core soul-searching. I reflected back to when I turned 30 and to be honest, not much has changed…well so I thought. I am still a single mother, I do not own property, I have one beautiful child (had hoped for more), we are still living on a low-income, I’m not married or even close, and I’m still in a similar position career wise…for now.

Yet after a few loving conversations with my dearest friends and family who helped me see the light with the things I have achieved, quite a lot is different from a decade ago:

  • I have finished a degree (HUGE milestone)
  • My son made it through primary school and is now at the end of his first year in high school and remains a beautiful, thoughtful, and genuine soul (I’m truly blessed)
  • I have achieved considering my low-income many things financially and my son has never really gone without
  • I am stronger, assertive, I hold my own and have become a woman with integrity
  • I have actually built on my career creating new opportunities and networks
  • I have travelled
  • I have further developed my skills in all aspects of life
  • Finally I have maintained and created beautiful and treasured relationships that I do and will hold close to my heart forever

It may not be perfect nor is it anywhere near where I envisioned life would be at this stage, yet now I can say I’m proud of my achievements.

In fact, I am continually inspired from the amazing women in my life who are of my age or older.  One woman in particular is my beautiful Mum who changed her career at 40 and has never looked back.  As time goes on,  I realise how many similarities I have with my Mum and how much of an impact she has had on my life.

There are many women within my professional network who are moving and shaking the world like there is no tomorrow. I am in awe of their awesomeness and the footprints they are leaving.

Now when I think of the ‘40’s’ club, and look deeper into the personas based on whom I know and what I have seen, there is an element of contentment and acceptance. Why is this?

Is it because we reach a place in our lives that we start to not worry so much on others opinions and judgements? Is it because we have had 40+ years of experience and know a thing of two? Is it because we’ve worked bloody hard to get to this point and should feel darn proud? Or it just how it is and I should not try to over analyse it.

images-2Sooooo after all my evaluating, debriefing and soul-searching, I decided to take on this new phase of my life holding my head high and making sure I leave my 30’s with a big bang.  My twin and I hosted an awesome party with a rock theme and created a night we’ll never forget.

Throughout our teenage years, my brother and I were in a band, he on the bass and I was the lead singer.  For months leading up to our party along with friends making up the band, we jammed and rehearsed in a studio preparing for the night to play a 40 minute set. We were the entertainment and I was nervous as hell.

Feeling sick in the stomach with nerves, I embraced this moment with my brother, family and friends and we rocked the house.  Ok, perhaps I was shaky for the first couple of songs but then along with this new focus towards my future I went with it. I had a ball, I felt good, I was happy, I was smothered with love, and I was content!

Here’s to turning 40 and the next phase of my life and I say…BRING IT ON!

Feb 5 2013

I DID IT!

image from horseshoepets.com

image from horseshoepets.com

How I’ve missed writing for my Blog and writing in general!  Here we are well into 2013 and what an eventful year it has been already.

At the end of November 2012, after endless sleepless nights, hours and hours of studying, hair pulling, tantrums, tears, exasperation, elation, highs and lows, not to mention the physical toll it took on my body, I finished my communications degree. It then wasn’t to mid January 2013 that I found out my fate, which was that I had indeed gained the marks I needed for my final two units to complete my degree and now I am waiting for my official invitation to the graduation in July.  I DID IT! OMG I did it and I’m not quite sure how I did, but I did and the feeling is amazing yet somewhat confusing.

image from deepbox.com

image from deepbox.com

I am not sure if it has hit me yet, the fact I have finished. I mean I know I am no longer opening up text books, responding to discussion forums, writing into the wee hours of the night to complete assignments and studying up for exams – that of course is obvious, yet somewhere within me I’m struggling to adjust. My body is still on the same time clock of the ridiculous hours I kept and the lack of sleep. I’m feeling somewhat lost in not knowing what is next. I am missing my connections with my fellow university students and that feeling of truly accomplishing something.  Its crazy isn’t it! After 3 years of studying fulltime, working 3 jobs, raising a child on my own and all the other bits in between of managing, I should be ecstatic that I now have time to reflect, adjust, catch up and relax and more importantly to be a good mother to my son. I am not saying I wasn’t a good mother, as I know I was, but he was neglected to a degree as any spare time was taken up with studying or working. I did thrive for a balance and I feel in parts I achieved this and I also know deep down the end result was always in the back of our minds, and that there was a reason for all the sacrifices made.

301472_10151109792581553_1711493253_n-1As I take this time to reflect on my recent journey, I am realising what I have discovered and learnt goes way beyond the units I studied in my degree.  I found that there is much more to life than what is put in front of us. Knowledge goes further than the books we read, the papers we skim over or the television shows we watch.  We can become complacent in the mundane things in life, and that is ok, yet there is so much more out there in the big wide world to be exposed to, to absorb, and be exposed to. I truly believe now, that with determination, motivations, discipline, and making sure you surround yourself with wonderful loving people that anything is possible. It could be the smallest of goals or something on a larger scale, yet if it is something that you truly want, then there should not be anything stopping you in achieving it – YOU CAN DO IT!

From the depths of my heart I would publicly like to thank my amazing family, my wonderful friends, my beautiful university friends and to all who have supported me throughout this adventure. Your unconditional love, motivation, encouragement, ears for listening, your spoken words, the countless snuggles you have supplied and for believing in me…

I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU! XO

Aug 13 2012

A reflection of the past…

image courtesty of sondheimguide.com

For some reason I feel inclined to share with you a poem I wrote.  This particular poem as I have always written poetry has a place very close to my heart.  After I broke up with my son’s father, I did not write or sing for over two years.  I didn’t feel the passion inside me and both writing and singing has always been a passion of mine. I then after many years met a guy who I thought possibly could be the one.  He inspired me enough to write poetry again. Sadly, he did not see the significance in this and had lost the original.  This poem in which I am sharing with you, was actually entered in an international poetry competition. I did have to cull the wording so it is half of the original size.  To my surprise I made it to one of the semi finalists and it got published in a book called “Timeless Voices”, my poem is the first one you read.  Wow, the first one. I do not really know if it was a scam or not and I wont go there. I have always wanted to publish two books. One of the books I dream of is to publish all of my poems I have written over the years and the other…I’m still working on that theme.

I remember being at an event and there was a popular journalist there for The Australian. We got talking about writing and I was saying how wonderful his job would be. He turned to me and said, “But I cannot say I am a published poet”. Those words will forever be inscribed in my brain and for that acknowledgement, I feel I have accomplished one of my dreams.  Please enjoy as I share with you something that has such significance in my life.

The journey of love

The wind is blowing in my hair
The feeling of freedom within
The sunset is in the distance
And so our journey begins

The sun rises, what a glorious day
The rays streaming through the trees
The breeze is nurturing and soft
You by my side, oh yes please

True as the nature around us
Which moves like our surroundings
Yet feelings of purity between us
The heart keeps on pounding

When on loses its breath
And the heart skips a beat
The fear of losing such vision
And giving in to defeat

Defeat of the heart
That someone like you can take
The reality of this journey
The scenery we can make

Love, Light and Peace 🙂 xo

Oct 22 2011

What is “Family”?

image by Clker.com

A couple of years ago, my son was in an emotional turmoil.  He was questioning “What is family”?

He didn’t understand where he belonged in the scheme of things.  He knew he had his Mum, Uncle and Aunties and all his cousins and special cousins BUT he felt incomplete in some way. I feel it was a stage in his schooling that made him question where he fitted.  He would cry, get angry and lash out with this confusion.  It was my aim to find something that could help him understand that “Family” is made of up of many dimensions and indeed a family and a wonderful one at that.  I searched book stores, online and anywhere else I could think of for something appropriate to help ease the pain he was enduring. There were books and articles for “My parents are divorced”- I didn’t get married to name one example and I could not find one thing that I felt was appropriate.

image by author

With this in mind, I decided to write something myself. I would love to publish a book one day and I have all the visual in mind of how it would be displayed.  Pushing the goal aside I focused on my main priority which was to help my son in understanding the values of what family really means.  Through my poem it helped and he feels more love than anyone with the family he now recognises is his.
I would like to share this poem with you (it’s a work in progress) and I am searching for a title.  What would you suggest?

I know I am loved
This much is true
I’m normally so happy
But sometimes I feel blue

My Mum tells me I’m handsome
So clever and so smart
I have so many friends
Yet sometimes I get an ache in my heart

 I sometimes feel confused
And I often ask why
So many questions
But no answers so I sigh

I know we can be different
We are not all the same
Mummy says life can be like this
And I am not to blame

Mummy says we are normal
Just because there is only us two
Families are made up of so much more
And our family can be me and you

Some kids have two mummies
Some might have two Dads
There are some who are adopted
Or brought up by Grandma and Grandad

Mummy says that no matter
Families come in all shapes and forms
As long as there is love and security
There are no such things as a norm

I sometimes feel angry
And want to kick and scream
I cannot explain my feelings
And often it feels like a dream

I know Mummy loves me
Although I sometimes feel I am missing out
There are meant to be others who care for me
And with this I feel angry and want to shout

Promises are often made
Many times they are broken
I feel frustrated and let down
Like a bad dream and then I am woken

I still have questions unanswered
And maybe that is how it will be
Yet in my heart I now know I’m so loved
And feel lucky for all who are around me

I came across this article and wanted to share it with you. I feel it is a great reference in understand what family really is.  It is not so much who it should be, yet what we can supply for ourselves and our loved ones. As long as we can provide the main elements, we all can provide a “family” 🙂

http://singleparentsnetwork.com/Articles/Detailed/245.html