Parenting is a Privilege

My son deserves a champion in his life, one who will never give up on him. A person who understands the importance of the connection between a parent and a child and one who insists he becomes the best person he can possibly be.

I would like to think I am that person.

What I find just as important is that my son is my champion, my connection and my motivation to become the best person and parent I can possibly be.

I did not think it was possible to love my child any more than the moment he was born, yet I did.  My heart continues to make space for this growing love.

What a privilege it is being a parent – I’m so honoured!

Love and Light 🙂

Anxiety is a bitch – moving on can be hard!

We’ve all had to do this on many occasions I am sure – make that final decision or any decision for that matter so we can move on. Move on either mentally, emotionally or physically.

In my case for now one of the main things that have been causing me major anxiety (an ongoing condition) that I keep putting off writing a blog on the trip of a lifetime I had with my son just over a month ago. I had all intensions to write regularly and share my journey. In one sense I did do this via my Facebook page, yet that was for a limited audience and I was happy with that but it was not what I had intended. I wanted everyone to witness and possibly learn some things along the way of traveling with a teenager and how I dealt with and embraced it. Writing makes me happy, very happy and it is something I have wanted to do since I was very young. My dream is to write a book and have my little piece of influence in the world.

Anxiety is a bitch – it’s a wretched thing and most recently has overtaken my life since I returned from my holiday.

This to some may seem like nothing and definitely not worth causing anxiety. However, those who suffer it, either it be alongside with stress or mixed with depression will relate. We cannot always, actually very rarely in my opinion control our outbreaks or triggers. The writing and not fulfilling my intention for me, has been a trigger. It is not all that has caused my anxiety, but has been one of the major factors.

What I find important is that I have acknowledge my recent depression and in particular anxiety. It may take hours, days, weeks to REALLY acknowledge it, yet when it happens I think we deserve a pat of the back.

Yesterday I had a bloody horrible day. I was shortness of breath all day, my heart was pounding, I suffered yet another migraine which seems to be a common occurrence and was pretty much bedridden. I spoke to a couple of people but not in depth about it, yet enough to realise what was happening. I struggled through the day to get a little bit of work done, some job searching and follow ups and that was enough to feel slightly productive and less guilty for riding off a day. I was sad and empty!

Today, a new day, a busy day with work and my spirits were lighter. I think I had an epiphany very early this morning or something close to it…for me. I realised that I could let go of writing this blog of step by step of my story and just share what I did on Facebook. It’s not great, articulately it’s not correct in many areas, I use slang, and my tense is all over the place BUT it does wrap up my trip. My friends kept telling me how great my updates were and that they felt they were on the journey with me. This actually was my intent, although not quite as planned.

Anxiety is a bitch but I’m moving on and working on getting over this latest episode. Will I be successful – who knows. I’ve got so many other things to deal with right now but this is one thing I can mark off my mental list.

Soooo… for those that are interested please read on for my final wrap up on our trip of a lifetime as taken from my Facebook page which was shared with friends, and now I’m sharing it with you.

Love, Light, acceptance and snuggles 🙂 xo

Vietnam, Cambodia, Phuket & a Teenager – Trip of a Lifetime

First day in Vietnam we were conned into buying street donuts, bananas, having our shoes “apparently” repaired, tried Vietnam’s idea of coffee but was yum, learnt a lesson in the need to barter and understand currency, and Jack captured some beautiful scenery along the way.

We had an amazing trip to Ha Long Bay and stayed overnight on a junk boat. Way beyond our expectations with our own room and bathroom, fantastic food and service, $4 cocktails, kayaking, swam at the beach, walked a zillion stairs to fabulous views, visited an awesome cave, learning history, and building great friendships.

Train ride from Hanoi to Hue was a challenge to say the least but playing a card game called ‘Asshole’ 😉 helped pass a few hours. It was gruelling trip with the train driver being very heavy footed on the break but thankfully we arrived in Hue safe and sound. Hue was absolutely beautiful (my fav place in Vietnam) and we had the privilege of taking a motorbike tour to the country side (major highlight). We visited an old museum with a gorgeous 78yr old displaying to us the old way of harvesting rice. We visited a temple and I loved hearing the monks chant and watched Buddhist pay their respect by prayer. Hue is very cultural, pretty, sacred…special.

The next part of our trip was to Hoi An, another favourite. We were here for 3 days and was able to get clothes made, do a cooking class (look out dinner party coming soon) followed by a bucket of cocktails, went on a bike tour which was fabulous, rode a buffalo (YES YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY), a ride in a very, very slow boat into the heart of Hoi An (very pretty), drank cheap but yummy beer, which I’ve now grown accustomed too, and great food at some of the most delicious restaurants.

Last part of our Vietnam tour arriving in Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) and must say it was our least favourite of places we had visited. Less cultural than others, people and sites were different – basically a very different vibe to where we had been. The people, however, who we travelled with, did not disappoint and my heart aches now knowing that our time together has come to an end. In Saigon we visited the War Museum which brought me to tears, visited the Cu Chi Tunnels (OMG) and our guide who survived the war was truly inspiration. We shot a riffle for the first time (ouch on the shoulder), crawled in the tunnels and I only survived 20m, however, Jack did much better than me (YAY Jack), ate Mexican in Vietnam, Jack went to his first club (we kept a good eye on him), and then had our final farewell dinner and drinks, a few more drinks and we behaved 😉

The chapter in our adventure was to Siem Reap, Cambodia, where we met our Mama/Mimi and had 3 awesome nights together before Mimi had to leave to teach her international retreat. In our time here we gate crashed a cultural Indian dance concert (not really, well sort of), we visited the Cambodian Circus which was unreal, shopped at the local markets, and enjoyed the hotel for relaxation. I LOVED my 4 post bed and wished I could have packed it away to bring home with me. We visited the Angkor Wat, Bayon, & Ta Prohm (my fav) Temples. Our last day we did the Flight of the Gibbon – flying fox through the jungle with the highest point getting to 45m and the longest run was 310m (a couple of panic attacks were had – it’s high I’m telling you). Our last night in Cambodia was catching up with some of our Vietnam crew and that made it even more special. It was fabulous having this time with my Mum overseas and my boy (3 generations) as it’s something we’ve wanted to do for years.

Our last part of the journey and this chapter of our travels book was Phuket in Thailand. After a couple of disappointing and fairly miserable days due to torrential rain and the hotel of choice, things picked up. We visited the Tiger Kingdom and what an experience with two great new Aussie friends Jess & Ivan. It was a last minute plan after our elephant tour was cancelled due to bad weather, but was meant to be. Something we’ll always remember.
We finally did our tour starting with a brilliant time down the rapids which was pretty full on. Both Jack and I couldn’t get the smile off our faces. We then went on an elephant tour and visited a beautiful waterfall. We’re smiling and feeling happy. Next tour as the rain stayed away finally in our last couple of days was a Quad Bike tour through the East side of Phuket including a jungle terrain and near the beach. We rode in pumped out Tuk Tuk’s, shopped, ate and had a few cocktails at Hooters, watched the Grand Final to see South’s win, part-took in a pool party, ate (oh I’ve already said that lol), walked the beach in between downpours, chilled in our hotel room and overall enjoyed each other’s company.

This truly is a trip of a lifetime and one that I would recommend to everyone to do! Travelling with your teen is great, fabulous, enjoyable, totally AWESOME or maybe it’s just that my son ROCKS! Either way, what a ride, what an adventure, what a journey, and I can’t wait for the next chapter which we’re already starting to thinking about. 🙂 xo

Just quietly Centrelink can get FIRETRUCK

It has felt like an eternity since I last wrote a post and the main reason if I am to be brutally honest is that I have/had lost confidence and was not sure what to actually write about. I had given into fear.

I was told a fantastic quote today, “The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers the fear” – Nelson Mandela

Today I am brave!

This desire to write has been eating away at me, and the fact I haven’t has caused much angst and frustration towards my abilities and myself. I am not saying I’m a great writer and probably far from it, yet I have developed a love for my blog and I’ve missed it.

After undergoing a traumatic day recently, I felt inspired and strength from within to share my experience and what better way than to write for my blog.

I know that other parents have gone through my ordeal, I am not alone and either are you. I still feel angry, disappointed and completely let down by the Australian government and Centrelink and to give a word…abandoned.

Really the trauma began earlier this year when my ‘preferred’ government party (Labor) changed the single parenting pension to ‘Newstart’. This meant my payments reduced dramatically although I still get Family Tax Benefits. My pension, now Newstart dropped to practically nothing but I did get something, $14 a fortnight and I still maintained my pension, sorry Newstart card. I was not informed that the income threshold would change. Silly me, perhaps I should have researched this, however I trusted our government. Surely if there was information to know, they as in Centrelink would advise us of any changes, right?

I recently noticed the last couple of payments from Centrelink were much higher than they should be. After a couple of lengthy phone calls to try and sort it out, I was advised to go into my local office as the paperwork I had uploaded months ago (like the good girl that I am) was confusing them. I was also told that my Newstart allowance was suspended until the situation was resolved. I’m yet again starting to feel that I am being punished for their mistakes.

Anywho, off I went to the ‘office’ with the forms I had previously uploaded and my taxation assessment notice, which had always been a requirement at the end of the financial year. After waiting two hours my name was finally called. I handed over my paperwork and started to explain the situation when I was cut off mid sentence with this man telling me that I had brought the wrong paperwork and what was required was the tax return that was lodged with the Australian Taxation Office (ATO). I argued this information had never been discussed with me and began to protest at which he replied with a smirk that it is a requirement, as they need to assess my return separately to the ATO. This was when I was told that Centrelink allows different expense claims to the ATO. Again, something else I was not told and I have been a sole trader for quite some time working part-time. By the way, isn’t Centrelink part of the Australian government so why would it be different?

Next came the news that shattered my world.

My Newstart payments will cease and so will the access to a pension card as I am over the threshold.

I could not control my emotions and as I sat there, tears started to pour down my face.  I know of some families who had their payments reduced by hundreds of dollars and have hit the poverty line. The income threshold under the single parenting pension was around $44,000 gross. I was told this day that the income threshold for Newstart was different to the Single Parenting Pension, now $37,446.50 before tax, in which I am under $40,000 but over this amount. This is a huge drop for someone earning a low income and quite detrimental.

Personally, my benefit dropped by $180 a fortnight down to $14. The drop in money obviously affected me, however I still had my concession card. For those that do not know, the concession card can be priceless and are given to low-income earners. Some of the benefits include assistance with utility bills, registration, medication, doctor and specialists visits to name just a few, even discounts on certain leisurely activities, which would sometimes not be possible if you had to pay full price.

To make things worse, I was also told I owed Centrelink $1100 due to their dysfunction systems and mistakes. By this stage I was very upset, sobbing quietly yet unable to control the tears. How is someone meant to support their child and themselves with less than $40,000 a year? How are we meant to survive I asked? I was told I am not the only one in a rather condescending tone.

I think what made it worse was the lack of compassion. It was obvious I was distraught and vulnerable yet I was made to feel like just another number, which I guess I was. I felt so alone in that clinical space filled with strangers, my imagined future flashing before my eyes while I sobbed.

Just quietly, Centrelink can get FIRETRUCK!Firetruck_centrelink

I will not let Centrelink, The Australian Government or this situation define me and bring me down. I’ve since shed many tears and I am filled with anger that I need to let go. I get annoyed as I, like many other single parents do the right thing. I give the right income estimate, I do what I’m told, and I’m honest and aim to be the best person and Mother possible.

I am a survivor, my son has never gone without, and I will get through this. I am not desperate…yet and I refuse to let our situation become dire. I have much to be grateful for. My best friend pointed out to me that I have wanted to be free of Centrelink due to all the heartache over the years and now maybe this is my time. We shall see…

They do say, a positive comes from a negative. In this case, my recent heartache and experience has allowed me to write again.

Love and light, stay safe and sending snuggles xo


If you are in a similar situation, please make sure you do your research and find out as much information as possible so you don’t get caught out. Not that it would be your fault, yet the Australian Government and Centrelink fail to inform their customers of the full details to changes that they make.  Some of these links may help:

Department of Human Services
Continuum Financial Planners
Low Income Health Care Card

I’m sorry!

Please do not say you are sorry. Do you know what you are saying sorry for?

Perhaps this statement is a little harsh without explaining the meaning behind it and I feel an explanation is in order.

Let me rewind nine years ago and when I became a single parent. My darling son was only 14 months old at the time. To finally make that choice
to be on my own emotionally and to act on it physically was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Although I knew in my heart and soul it was the right thing, it still did not make it easier. I was in the relationship with my son’s father for seven years. I met him when at the tender age of 21, I thought he was fantastic. We always had a fiery relationship and I do take responsibility for my part in the demise of the breakdown and breakup.

I am a Scorpio; very passionate with a sting. I am told more than once (I dare to admit) apparantly I have a look which can kill on the spot. I do tend to forget but I do not forgive and all this adds to my makeup of who I am. On the other hand of being a Scorpio, I am a very passionate person, I am extremely loyal, I am vulnerable and feel I put others first before myself. Like anyone else, there is good with the bad.

To get back to how I became a single parent; we were young, carefree and the only thing important was to have a great time which we did have…in the beginning. I was 26 when I fell pregnant. Some may say this is young, some may not; yet before this, I had travelled overseas (on my own), lived out of home for years, did the party scene for many years and basically had a fulfilling life. I was not planning on becoming pregnant, not at this stage in my life.  I felt totally blessed when I found out I was pregnant with my son as I was diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 19 and had already suffered two miscarriages. I honestly thought I could not have a child, and although I was not sure if I would be raising this child up alone, there was no other option than to keep him. I had a difficult pregnancy as I was sick 24/7 along with fighting food poisoning twice which both times lasted over two weeks. I had a virus throughout the pregnancy and in the last couple of months suffered sciatica. In addition to the ill-health I endured, I also suffered emotional, mental and physical abuse which only seemed to get worse as the pregnancy progressed. I will not go into details, yet it was absolutely horrible and I felt helpless. I did not want my child to become another statistic or go through what I went through having separated parents myself from a young age. I tried to make the relationship work, I did everything that I could within my power, but it was not working.  By the time my son had turned one, I knew what I had to do. One of the difficult areas of this breakup was that not many people knew about my secret life and what I had been going through. I felt responsible for my ex partner and financially and emotionally carried him for a long time after the separation as well as during the relationship.  I finally made the decision and acted on it.  As I had mentioned earlier, it was one of the hardest things I have done, but also one of the bravest things.  I really did not know how I was going to survive yet I knew my son and I would be better off than staying in an extremely unhealthy environment.

Throughout the time of the separation and even now when people find out I am a single parent, their response is…”I’m sorry”. Why be sorry? I can understand people feeling compassion, sympathy and empathy yet please don’t be sorry that I am a single parent. It is one of the best things I have done and from making this choice, I have created a happier, healthier, more loving and balanced life for my son and myself. I embrace being a single parent as I know how my life was and what it would have been if I had stayed in that situation.

Mind you, in saying this, being a single parent is probably the other hardest thing I have had to go through. I am still learning and feeling the hardship of being on my own raising a child. I feel there are many organisations, information and places for people in my situation, yet to find these is very hard. This is the reasoning behind my Blog. My vision is to provide information I have found beneficial through my journey as a single parent. Unless you are in this situation yourself, you really do not know what it is like. You can imagine, that is for sure, just as I can imagine what it would be like being in a two parent situation raising a child. I know it is something I want to feel and share with my son, to become a larger family. I feel in being a single parent, society can title us with a certain image, a certain persona which isn’t always right or fair. On the flip side, we can embrace this title as it shows we are strong-willed, a sound mind and we are quite powerful within our own right.

In thinking about another term to use rather than “sorry”, perhaps there is another word that could be used. To be honest, I am not sure of what that could be and maybe someone could suggest a term that we all feel fits just right?