A reflection of the past…

image courtesty of sondheimguide.com

For some reason I feel inclined to share with you a poem I wrote.  This particular poem as I have always written poetry has a place very close to my heart.  After I broke up with my son’s father, I did not write or sing for over two years.  I didn’t feel the passion inside me and both writing and singing has always been a passion of mine. I then after many years met a guy who I thought possibly could be the one.  He inspired me enough to write poetry again. Sadly, he did not see the significance in this and had lost the original.  This poem in which I am sharing with you, was actually entered in an international poetry competition. I did have to cull the wording so it is half of the original size.  To my surprise I made it to one of the semi finalists and it got published in a book called “Timeless Voices”, my poem is the first one you read.  Wow, the first one. I do not really know if it was a scam or not and I wont go there. I have always wanted to publish two books. One of the books I dream of is to publish all of my poems I have written over the years and the other…I’m still working on that theme.

I remember being at an event and there was a popular journalist there for The Australian. We got talking about writing and I was saying how wonderful his job would be. He turned to me and said, “But I cannot say I am a published poet”. Those words will forever be inscribed in my brain and for that acknowledgement, I feel I have accomplished one of my dreams.  Please enjoy as I share with you something that has such significance in my life.

The journey of love

The wind is blowing in my hair
The feeling of freedom within
The sunset is in the distance
And so our journey begins

The sun rises, what a glorious day
The rays streaming through the trees
The breeze is nurturing and soft
You by my side, oh yes please

True as the nature around us
Which moves like our surroundings
Yet feelings of purity between us
The heart keeps on pounding

When on loses its breath
And the heart skips a beat
The fear of losing such vision
And giving in to defeat

Defeat of the heart
That someone like you can take
The reality of this journey
The scenery we can make

Love, Light and Peace 🙂 xo

What is in a name?

image by fbcjaxwatchdog.blogspot.com

What is in a name? How much importance does our name carry and what does it mean to a child?

On my son’s birth certificate, his surname is his fathers.  At the time, obviously you don’t think about the possibilities of not staying together so the name for me was not a major point of discussion.  Once we had separated, I started to feel uncomfortable whenever I had to use both our surnames, for example making a doctor’s appointment and so on.  I could sense people looking at me in a particular way, questioning my relationship with ‘MY’ child and acting curious of the background behind the two different names when read out loud. I had to deal with this and I did without anyone really knowing how it was cutting me up inside.  Then, one day my son started to question the difference in our names.  He was also suffering and it was causing him confusion and despair and he let me know he wanted the same as Mummy. I tried to explain the legal side although I did this poorly and quite possibly caused more confusion for the poor soul, however I did my best. I also explained what I thought was morally the right answer as I did not know better

As time passed, my son kept bringing up the subject of his name and asking if he could have the same one as me.  I felt awful as I wasn’t sure of the right answer to give him.  After some thorough researching and checking on my court orders, we (my son and I) came to the decision we would change it and we did.  My son’s name is now hyphenated with my surname first and his father’s second.  I had an appointment with the school principal who agreed graciously with the new name and from the following year, my son took on a new identity almost and he had never been happier.  I sensed he felt more connected with me now we shared a name and over time, my part of the name is more used than the other.

As I have sole responsibility (which in the older term was known as sole custody), I actually have the right to apply to get a new birth certificate with the desired name.  This is certainly on our ‘to do list’ and once we can afford this, we will be changing the name officially.  My son’s father was not happy about this decision at all and at times has caused stress and grief, and an overreaction causing embarrassment, yet at the end of the day it was in the best interest of the child. In my case, it was my son’s choice and after much discussion and counselling of the idea, I supported him and his decision and it could not have worked out any better.

I ask you if you, have been in a similar situation – if so, what did or would you do?

Do you feel it was right that I changed the name of my son although different to what is on his birth certificate?

Do you feel this decision takes anything away from the father, particularly if they do not play a major role in the child’s lives?

I would love to hear your comments and discuss this subject as I feel for many it is a sensitive issue for all involved.

Love and Light

xo

I have found some sites for those of you who are curious about name change and children’s rights.

Ferguson Cannon Lawyers:  http://www.fclawyers.com.au/fact_finders/view/120/category:3

Births, deaths and marriages registries:  http://australia.gov.au/topics/law-and-justice/births-deaths-and-marriages-registries

Australian Human Rights Commission – Children’s Rights:    http://www.hreoc.gov.au/human_rights/children/index.html

You are not alone!

Do you feel the emotions of disappointment, failure, loneliness, victimisation to name just a few as you enter or live in the syndrome of single parenthood?

Do you find yourself asking, “how the hell am I going to do this”; “how am I going to find the money to survive”; “how will I ever find love again”; or “am I the only one going through this?”

The choice of raising a child on your own quite possibly is the hardest decision you will ever make and not one to take lightly.  For others this lifestyle was not a personal choice and one-handed to them by default.  Whichever way you have found yourself in this predicament, we all hold our own stories to tell, and nevertheless we live a life of similarity.

Why this Blog is for you
Do you often have questions where you feel it is impossible to find the answers? If you do, then you are like me and the road of walking as a single parent can and is daunting and quite isolating. Sadly the statistics are proving there are more single parenting families in current times than ever before. The Australian Bureau of Statistics reported in June 2011 just under a million homes consisted of lone parent families, and of this 83% were single mother families.   When looking at this ratio, it is obvious those of us who can feel alone know we are not and it gives more reason to have places and associations available where one can obtain relevant information.

Single parents have a duel responsibility in their households and get tired beyond belief. Compared to two-parent households, lone parents have not only reduced money but also half the adult time resources available as cited in a journal by Salome Bronnimann from The Master’s College.  Single parents try to fit everything into the day and still be available for their children’s emotional and psychological needs and doing this is a juggling act whilst maintaining some form of sanity, dignity and individualism.

Where to begin
Solo Talk SP will provide information on various issues of single parenting, relating between emotions one could feel, through to the dramas of cooking, dating and finding love. The Blog will also provide links and posts associated to organisations that exist and may supply the data you are trying to find.  Centrelink, Child Support Agency (CSA) and Relationships Australia are just the starting point in finding the answers among others who offer a variety of services which can assist you in the healing process and to help you move forward.

By following this Blog, you will be sharing in a personal journey of a single parent, while finding answers too many of your questions along the way. You will find encouragement and assurance in knowing you are not alone in the world of single parenting.

*image from dudoism