I’m a mother of a teenager and I’m excited!

It’s the eve of an era, the night before my boy becomes a teenager and I’m excited.

Crazy you say, some might think so; some may say I’m delusional, and even in denial, yet I’m not.  I’m truly excited and tonight I’m asking myself why?

Over the past couple of days my feelings of sadness and negativity towards my son turning into a teenager have gone. I had so much fear.  The fear of being alone, of him not needing me, the fear of having no significance in his life, the fear he may not love me as much, and fear of the unknown.

I think this fear started to shift a few weeks ago as I shed a few tears while chatting with my Mum. I was complaining how I had been confined to my room over the Christmas holidays as my son and his friends took over the lounge room. I was sad and felt alone due to the snippets of dialogue I seemed to grab in between his conversations with his friends either in the room or via Skype and other forms of social media.

My Mum listened and then said, “you know Shell, he needs you more now than ever and just knowing you are in the other room is the biggest comfort you can give him.” Just as Mum said these words, in came my beautiful boy, leaned over, kissed me, and then walked out again.

Mums do not stop being right.

I think this was the pivotal moment where my fear shifted. I started to embrace what lies ahead.

I am planning a big holiday later in the year that I’ve been saving towards for a couple of years. It occurred to me that he will be the perfect age to travel, to take in all the culture and be the best companion while we share these experiences.

I’m excited!

I started to have little daydreams about teaching him to drive, watching him excel further in school and in life, meeting future girlfriends, knowing he’ll always need me to some degree even if he doesn’t know it; helping him with career choices, making his own travel plans, and the list goes on.

No, I didn’t get as far of thinking about grandkids – ewe now that’s just incomprehensible. 😉

But I did start to get excited.

I started to reflect on my friends who have teenagers and one dear friend in particular, Sam who has a few. I don’t think Sam realises what an amazing mother she is and what a great teacher she has been to me.

Her teachings and insights have been in abundance. I have been shown how to be patient, not to judge to hastily, to pick your battles, and how to really love and let go.

Through Sam, I’ve become excited.

I’m excited that like Sam, I too may influence and share insight with my other darling girlfriends who are mums or soon to be with younger children who one day, soon enough will also be facing the eve of teenagehood.

I’m excited as I write this, that my boy’s just got out of bed struggling to sleep due to the excitement of tomorrow – I think they always stay little boys to some degree.

I am very proud of the young man my son has become. As he enters this new phase, I am also proud that I have had something to do with it.

So am I crazy, I think not. I’m a mother of a teenager and I’m excited!

Happy Birthday Bubba! I love you more than all the stars in the universe. I’m so proud of the beautiful soul you are and the amazing young man you are becoming.

Bring on the teenagehood!

Love, light and snuggles xo

OMG I’m 40!

Yep, that’s right, two weeks ago I have turned the dreaded 40. Well, dreaded is what I originally thought and it wasn’t so much because I saw it as ‘old’,  but more that it represents half your lifespan.

In an article by the ABC, Dr Caroline West states that ‘according to some psychological research, we face two events that will change our lives forever. The first crisis is adolescence and the second is, you guessed it, turning 40’. Dr West continues by explaining with so many of us turning this age, we all have our own interpretation of what it means and outcomes of where we go from this point.

Leading up to the milestone in which I share with my twin brother, I became quite depressed and needed to do some hard-core soul-searching. I reflected back to when I turned 30 and to be honest, not much has changed…well so I thought. I am still a single mother, I do not own property, I have one beautiful child (had hoped for more), we are still living on a low-income, I’m not married or even close, and I’m still in a similar position career wise…for now.

Yet after a few loving conversations with my dearest friends and family who helped me see the light with the things I have achieved, quite a lot is different from a decade ago:

  • I have finished a degree (HUGE milestone)
  • My son made it through primary school and is now at the end of his first year in high school and remains a beautiful, thoughtful, and genuine soul (I’m truly blessed)
  • I have achieved considering my low-income many things financially and my son has never really gone without
  • I am stronger, assertive, I hold my own and have become a woman with integrity
  • I have actually built on my career creating new opportunities and networks
  • I have travelled
  • I have further developed my skills in all aspects of life
  • Finally I have maintained and created beautiful and treasured relationships that I do and will hold close to my heart forever

It may not be perfect nor is it anywhere near where I envisioned life would be at this stage, yet now I can say I’m proud of my achievements.

In fact, I am continually inspired from the amazing women in my life who are of my age or older.  One woman in particular is my beautiful Mum who changed her career at 40 and has never looked back.  As time goes on,  I realise how many similarities I have with my Mum and how much of an impact she has had on my life.

There are many women within my professional network who are moving and shaking the world like there is no tomorrow. I am in awe of their awesomeness and the footprints they are leaving.

Now when I think of the ‘40’s’ club, and look deeper into the personas based on whom I know and what I have seen, there is an element of contentment and acceptance. Why is this?

Is it because we reach a place in our lives that we start to not worry so much on others opinions and judgements? Is it because we have had 40+ years of experience and know a thing of two? Is it because we’ve worked bloody hard to get to this point and should feel darn proud? Or it just how it is and I should not try to over analyse it.

images-2Sooooo after all my evaluating, debriefing and soul-searching, I decided to take on this new phase of my life holding my head high and making sure I leave my 30’s with a big bang.  My twin and I hosted an awesome party with a rock theme and created a night we’ll never forget.

Throughout our teenage years, my brother and I were in a band, he on the bass and I was the lead singer.  For months leading up to our party along with friends making up the band, we jammed and rehearsed in a studio preparing for the night to play a 40 minute set. We were the entertainment and I was nervous as hell.

Feeling sick in the stomach with nerves, I embraced this moment with my brother, family and friends and we rocked the house.  Ok, perhaps I was shaky for the first couple of songs but then along with this new focus towards my future I went with it. I had a ball, I felt good, I was happy, I was smothered with love, and I was content!

Here’s to turning 40 and the next phase of my life and I say…BRING IT ON!